Seeking A Merry Widow

Before embarking on this blog piece, I decided to do some research on the title, “The Merry Widow.” In my own humble opinion, I could not have imagined the reason anyone would call a widow “merry.” It is also my personal experience that I have found men very difficult to live with. However, in order for a woman to be “merry” after the death of her spouse, I would imagine that he would have to be utterly evil and abusive, not merely difficult.

I found some interesting information on Wikipedia about an operetta called “The Merry Widow.” The play was based on a story “concerning a rich widow, and her countrymen's attempt to keep her money in the principality by finding her the right husband.” This did give me a better understanding of the title, which was meant to be provocative. I think it should have been called “The Wealthy Widow,” but that might have been a little too obvious and not as intriguing.

Something else I happened upon in my research, was that in 1952 Warner’s designed a corselet for women called the “Merry Widow.” According to Wikipedia, the garment was made with “slim panels of black, elastic yarn netting. A heavy-duty zipper was inserted behind a velvet-backed hook-and-eye flange, and the entire garment was lined with nylon voile. Nine long, spiral wires were encased in black satin.”

I completely agree with this quote attributed to Lana Turner, "I am telling you, the merry widow was designed by a man. A woman would never do that to another woman." I feel like that about a lot of things, such as the mammogram machine, but I won’t go down that road today. Suffice it to say at this point that I am a woman who likes to dress for comfort and certainly not for style!

Which leads me to another axe I like to grind. In almost every other species of living creature on earth, it is the male who is required to look attractive in order to find a mate. How did things get so messed up with humans, that it is the female who must make herself attractive to find a mate? Not only that, but for many males very little effort at all seems to be required.

If, for instance, a man has an unsightly beer belly, no comment is made and other males think he has earned it. Heaven forbid a woman should have a protruding stomach! If she is young enough people might assume she is pregnant and if she is older she is just plain fat. When men refer to a woman who is on the plump side, she will frequently be called derogatory terms like hippo or whale. What a sad commentary on our humanity, when outer beauty which fades is valued above lasting inner beauty.

Finally I am getting to the actual point of my blog today. I have had so many moments of questioning about how I got to this point of being a widow and certainly not a “merry widow.” I believe in a God who has a plan for my life. When Russel died, I could not imagine how this would fit into the plan of a loving God. However, I also know that He is a Holy God and I began to wonder what I had done, that I had never been forgiven for? What sin had I committed was so bad that God would take my husband away from me? I felt like this awful, unlovable person.

On my Christian walk, I have tried to keep a short account with God and make every attempt to forgive hurts against me as soon as possible. I do this so that I may be able to quickly receive God’s forgiveness for the sins I commit, as well as hurts and offences I have caused others. This is a daily struggle for most Christians, because our sin nature is part of being human and our flesh constantly wars against the spirit. No matter how hard I tried, I could not think of anything I had ever done that I had not asked for and received God’s forgiveness.

I spent a great deal of time talking to God about this situation, desperate to receive an answer. Turns out that I should have been doing a whole lot more listening and definitely less talking. Eventually I was quiet before The Lord and that is when he spoke into my heart. He did not define or justify the reason for Russel’s death, but into my mind He dropped the names of about fifteen women I know whose husbands died.

Of course I knew that none of these women were perfect, they all had flaws and were indeed very different to one other. Each one had a different personality, but most of them had character traits that were the same. Every woman, in her own way, had amazing inner strength and fortitude. Determination and perseverance were key elements. Talk about grace under pressure!

While I cannot claim to have any of these powerful character traits, let alone all of them, I do know one thing without a doubt. I am now part of a group of widows who are amazing. They have been and will continue to be a constant source of inspiration and encouragement to me. Their ability to suffer the pain and loss of a spouse, and find their way to live a full and meaningful life, offers me hope for a future.

Even so, I still have days, when I am missing Russel, of “Why me Lord?” I have to remind myself that I am not the first and I will certainly not be the last to lose a husband. The reason Russ went home to be with The Lord so young is for God alone to know. I simply have to keep putting my faith in trust in my Heavenly Father that He knows everything and still has a good plan for my life. My earthly journey continues and I know that I do not walk alone. I may not be a “merry widow,” but my joy is in The Lord and He gives me strength to go on.

#widow #strength #determination #perseverance #grace #amazing