Barbara's Blog
Who Am I Becoming?
Having gorged myself on grief, over the past few months,
since my husband died, I am now feeling vulnerable and afraid.
My health has taken a knock after the stress of Russel's terminal illness, over 18 months, resulting in his passing. It was exceedingly difficult to watch someone I love suffering, as Russ did.
Now there is no one to care for me and it is scary to feel sick and alone. On the other hand, I have found it extremely stressful to be around other people. I know that we all have to deal with stuff in life, but when I am feeling fragile, that also impacts me.
I have to take care of myself. That is my responsibility. It is not always easy, because people try to help in their own way, but sometimes it isn't what I need.
Right now I feel a need to cocoon. To retreat to a safe place in which to re-create myself. I want to protect my heart and spirit from any further pain. I believe that my journey to inner healing includes spending time with me and figuring out who I am and who I want to be.
A caterpillar now encased in a cocoon, undergoing a metamorphosis
Who Am I?
I am a woman in my fifties who recently lost her husband to Metastatic Melanoma Cancer after twenty seven years of marriage.
I am a widow. Not a title I ever imagined owning and it feels like I should be following a twelve step program on how to live life without my husband.
Unfortunately, no one teaches us the way to cope with these traumas. They are life lessons and all the more difficult because no two people have the same experience or path.
The previously married me has discovered that I lost myself during those twenty seven years of marriage and I am on a journey to find out who I am now.
Fortunately, I am not alone and there is help out there. If you can find the right professional for grief counseling it is greatly beneficial and I give grateful thanks for Anneliese, who showed me the way to a new life.
A colourful catterpillar on a slow journey to becoming a beautiful butterfly!
