The Gift of Family

This December has been difficult without Russ, as I anticipated it would be, but it has also been good. A lot has happened over these first twenty days of this month. I have been very busy, much more than usual and with that, a great deal more exhausted than I had been for a while. I was also struck with a horrid throat infection that would not go. I cried every night and felt very sorry for myself. A physical weakness which left me feeling emotionally vulnerable. I knew that if Russ was here he would be concerned and checking up on me if I was sick. He would want me to rest, recover, take my meds and not worry about anything. In the past he bought ready-made meals, or if I was up to it, he would take me out for something to eat, so that I would not have to bother with cooking. I miss that so much.

In the second week of December, I travelled to Upington with my son-in-law to the home he shares with my daughter and their adorable cat, Phoebe. I was able to spend an amazing week with them. It was so great to have some quality mother-daughter time and also to do fun things together as a family. To spend some time with my daughter’s in-laws on their tranquil family farm at Grootdrink, eating wonderful meals and sharing in some lively debate and discussion. We had the most fun at one point when someone put on some music and we were all dancing in the kitchen, just letting our hair down and enjoying the moment.

I was so blessed to meet some of my daughter and son-in-law’s incredible friends, who are interesting, funny, kind, thoughtful and exceptionally intelligent! Firstly I was touched and honoured that they wanted me to meet their friends and vice versa. Then I was blown away by the wonderful way in which they all accepted me and treated me as if I was one of the gang and not an “old” person, even though I am twenty years older than them all. I have not enjoyed such fun and stimulating conversation like that in a very long time. The quick wit and repartee that flew back and forth sometimes flowed more quickly than I could even keep up with. Reminded me so much of the memorable evenings Russ and I had spent with our own friends when we were young.

There were many nostalgic moments, when I wished that Russ could have been with me, sharing the experience. The first time we had been to Upington was for our daughter and son-in-law’s wedding. We so enjoyed making that trip together. There were some awkward things that we turned into fun memories, such as Russ having to sit for the entire journey with a huge bucket of white Chrysanthemums on the floor between his knees. We had rented a small car for the trip, not realizing how much we would have to transport with us and the car was full. I had arranged one small bucket in the back with water in it for the wedding bouquet flowers and had to buy another bucket for the extra bunches of Chrysanthemums.

Every spare inch of the car was laden with gifts and other wedding essentials, including multiple packets of ribs which had to be cooked for the reception dinner. We had our suitcases and other items for people who were flying to Upington. So the little car was packed to the hilt. On top of all that, it pretty much poured with rain the whole time on the first day of our journey. We stayed overnight in Kimberley at a lovely place called Hadida Guest House, which we so longed to visit again. The following morning we continued on our trip to Upington and after spending a couple of nights at my daughter’s townhouse, we fetched my parents from the airport and we all went to stay in a rustic, comfortable place called Ouma se Huis.

This was Russel’s first holiday with family in years and he thoroughly enjoyed the whole weekend. He was happy to help with preparations for the wedding day and so proud to walk our daughter down the aisle. From seeing the domestic farm animals to the game drive and all the people present, Russ enjoyed every minute. The week passed by in a flash and before we knew it, the wedding was over and we were on our way home, so that Russel could catch his flight back to America.

When Russel became ill, this was one of his greatest regrets, that he had not taken more leave and stayed longer after the wedding. We had planned a trip to Champagne Castle Hotel, his happy place, but he did not stay, so we did not go away. None of us knew, that a year later, Russ would be fighting for his life. All of these memories came flooding in during the time I was in Upington, remembering the last time I had been there was with Russel. There were many bitter-sweet moments that I longed for Russ to be sharing with me.

But I have experienced another of the “firsts” without Russel, visiting our family in Upington and it was a good visit. I was sad Russ was not there, missed him a great deal and wished that things had been different, but I tried to keep my grief to myself and to enjoy my family and company as much as possible. Some people were completely indifferent to the pain of my loss and did not even ask how I was doing and yet others I hardly know were kind, understanding and thoughtful. They helped to heal my hurting.

New precious memories have been made and one that will stand out always was our trip to the Augrabies Falls. We had a delightful breakfast picnic there and enjoyed the view of the tumbling, splashing water. I took so many photographs I lost count. We did some interesting things and had a lovely lunch at Vergelen. A beautiful day, spent with my loved ones and settled into my mind as a special memory forever.

It was hard to leave Upington, especially my daughter, even knowing that I will see her again in a few months. I am constantly comforted by our close and precious mother-daughter bond, which transcends time and space. I carry her in my heart as I believe she does with me. My life will never be the same again, but I will always have my children, God’s greatest gift to me. So blessed.

“Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:8

#firsts #family #gift #pain #loss #love #blessed