Green Card Goodbye

In January 2012, Russel finally received his USA Green Card, after a seven-year wait. He was so excited to be a legal permanent resident of America after first seeking a job there in the year 2000. Everyone who had walked the path with him was happy for Russ. So much so, that his dear friends at The Oaks IV gave him a Green Card Party in March of that year. I think he said over 85 people turned up at the barbeque to congratulate Russel.

I felt a bit sad that I was unable to attend this celebration with Russ, but I could only return to the US once I received my own Green Card and that paperwork etc. was finally completed in September 2012, so that I could join Russel in America in the October. These were also all his friends, I hardly knew any of them and they barely knew anything about me at all.

This was also the year that Russ discovered that a mole on his arm had become a Melanoma. In December of 2010, I had noticed that the mole on Russel’s left, upper mid-arm had changed. It had gone from a light brown, upside down tear-drop, to something raised off the skin, two-tone in black and brown, as well as having irregular borders. I also noted that the largest part of the mole was larger than the eraser on the end of a pencil.

I wanted him to have the mole checked for cancer, but he did not want to go to the dermatologist. He believed that if it was skin cancer it would spread if it was cut and also did not think that there was anything wrong at the time. It was only eighteen months later, at the end of July 2012, that he finally decided to get the mole checked. By this time, it had grown, become purple and was bleeding. A biopsy proved that it was definitely Melanoma and in September of 2012 Russel had about one third of his left, upper mid-arm removed.

Even then, we did not think that this was going to be a death sentence. Russ recovered well and all tests at the time indicated that he was fine with no Melanoma evident anywhere else in his body. Russel felt so well and he was still paying off medical bills from the first operation, because he had no medical insurance that he did not go for any further tests or check-ups.

It was another eighteen months later when we discovered that the cancer had indeed spread and was throughout his whole body. In April 2014, Russ went out one Saturday to fly his kite. He had everything ready and was about to begin flying, when he had a brain seizure. Luckily a passer-by saw it happening and called Emergency Services. He was taken to hospital and given a battery of tests to determine the cause of the seizure. It took six to seven hours before the hospital was able to contact me, because Russel had no identification on him and he could not remember any phone numbers. Eventually he recalled my folks’ landline number in South Africa and the hospital called me to tell me the dreadful news.

Fortunately, I was able to speak to Russel and that settled my extreme distress a little. Sadly, the tests he had then revealed that the Melanoma had metastasized and spread to his brain (causing the seizure), his lungs and spleen. I flew back to the US as soon as I could.

Russ started ten treatments of full brain radiation almost immediately and we barely had time to think or discuss the situation before we were completely embroiled in decisions that could not be unmade. Russel was no longer able to work and we had limited financial resources. His cancer could be treated, but not cured, and neither of us had any idea what the future held, except for the fact that hospital reports seemed to indicate that he would have about a year to live.

Russel’s precious Green Card was no help to us at this point whatsoever. He had been a legal permanent resident for two and a half years, but in order to have any help from the US government, he needed to have this status for five years. We were about to become destitute and homeless and could not afford the treatment Russ was required to have. My family in South Africa offered to help us financially and with treatment. So we left America and travelled home to be with our loved ones.

So began the worst seventeen months in both of our lives. It ended with Russel losing his life to Melanoma Cancer and me to face the future as a widow, alone. After fourteen years in the USA, working hard, paying his taxes and contributing to society, there was nothing that the government could or would do to help us cope with the greatest crisis we had ever faced.

It was only when we had been in South Africa for over four months that Russ received some aid from America in the form of a Social Security Disability payment. This monthly income enabled us to live fairly comfortably. We could rent our own little cottage and I was able to stay at home and take care of Russel.

When Russ passed, I had to take his Green Card and hand it in to the US Consulate in Sandton. Without Russel, I would not return to America and so I decided to hand in my Green Card at the same time. It was a difficult decision to make, but my understanding is that they had expired anyway, since we had been out of the country for well over a year. That plastic card was going to do no more for me than it had done for Russel.

On Thursday, 15 October, I took our Green Cards to the Consulate and posted the following on Facebook :

Sad today, for many reasons. I had to return mine and Russel's Green Cards to the US Consulate today. The final step in closing the chapter on Russel's dream to live and work in Port Charlotte, Florida. My Russ, you and your dream may now be gone, but will never be forgotten. I cannot be where once we shared a life you loved, but I hope one day to visit the place and people you held so dear, our precious American friends. I will keep you all in my heart forever. Thank you for being so good to us, during that happy time when Russ had his green card party celebration, but also for all you did when he got so ill. Your love, care, thoughtfulness, support and encouragement never failed us. We were greatly blessed by each and every one of you. Sending love and hugs xoxo

#cancer #radiation #greencard #Melanoma